Some parents loathe to let go of their child's dependence upon them, and children might play right along with this implicit deal of delaying maturity as an expression of loyalty. Emphasize how what seems to be unrelated to maturity in their mind is directly related in a parent's mind.Ĭonsider if you are holding them back for your own reasons. Help them understand how so many events "count" in a parent's mind when they must determine if a child is mature enough for a certain privilege or responsibility. Provide specific examples of how they have fallen short when certain "maturity tests" have been placed before them. Emphasize your awareness of the gap between what many of their peers are allowed and what freedoms they are permitted. Speak in a straightforward manner about your wish to have more confidence in their decision-making and emotional self -management. If this describes your child here are some coaching tips for consideration:īegin with an honest discussion of your concerns and their frustrations. Their immaturity creates much parent-child conflict as they watch same-aged peers enjoy the fruits of being "older kids" and they are denied passage due to protracted emotional immaturity. Accepting events outside of their control, asking for help when needed, or planning ahead to ensure responsibilities are satisfied are some of the typical ways that parents hope they will respond but they often fall short. Evidence abounds of their inability to manage stress and adapt to age-appropriate expectations. One of the puzzles of parenting comes delivered in the form of the middle-school-aged child who protests for more privileges and freedom but whose immaturity doesn't warrant increased independence. But he keeps asking and we want to coach him to where he needs to be. A parent writes: Our 12-year-old son is too immature to receive the privileges and freedoms of most kids his age.
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